Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
