how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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