I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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