No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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