I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
