I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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