We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
