is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
