I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
