he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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