I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
