It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
