no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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