on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
