HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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