best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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