think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need moral support for this bender
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
