tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
