i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
