i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
