Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize