you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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