i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
