when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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