you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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