Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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