a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
