You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
