this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
