My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
