I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
