There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
