just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
