She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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