i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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