I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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