Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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