I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
