CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ok first of all what the fuck
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
