I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
