Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
