I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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