Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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