I love black thongs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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