Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
