It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
