Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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