; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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