I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
