i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
